Keeping Communication Strong: The “Truly Wed” Game
Do you ever have those times in your marriage when you run out of things to say to one another? Or when you do talk the conversation consists of stories about the kids, the sad state of your finances, or the condition of the car and how it needs to be replaced before the duct tape on the side view mirror runs out of adhesive (maybe that last one’s just us)?
To maintain a solid and strong marriage, it is suggested that each day end with 20 minutes of meaningful communication – that is, going beyond the basics of the day and into your own personal thoughts and feelings. After a long day at work and with the kids, when all you want is to lose yourself in a good book, mindless TV sitcom, or the soft cushion of your king sized pillow, this can become quite a challenge. Yes, you married this guy (or gal) but can you really muster the energy to have deep, meaningful conversation with him (or her) for 20 minutes every day??
When my husband and I went through our marriage preparation with the most amazing couple in the entire world (seriously, they have saved my marriage with their advice more times than I can count), one last gift they gave us was a paper box they created out of our wedding invitation. Inside of this box were several slips of paper, each one containing a thought-provoking question on it, intended to kick-start that meaningful heart to heart communication.
When we come to that twenty minutes at the end of the day and our brains have shut down, we can pull out this box, pick a slip of paper, and it helps us get the ball rolling on getting reacquainted with one another beyond our roles as roommates, parents, and financial partners.
Since I still have our box, I thought I would share some of their questions with you. These come courtesy of Jan and Lloyd Tate, our mentors in marriage and life. Let the games begin:
- What three people do you most admire in your life? Who are your three closest personal friends? Why?
- What would you want said about you at your funeral? How would you most like to be remembered?
- What do you see as your three greatest strengths? How do my strengths compliment yours?
- How would you describe your ideal day? How would you describe your ideal vacation?
- If you could spend one uninterrupted hour with any person alive today, who would it be? What would you do or discuss? Why?
- Jesus said, “Come to Me all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” What do these words mean to you in the midst of our present marriage relationship and life circumstances?
- What 5 character traits are most important to you? Why?
- What specific area of your life frustrates you the most? What specific area do you find the most fulfilling?
- In what single way would you like to grow personally over the next year?
- What are the three most romantic memories you have of our life together?
- What areas in our marriage relationship thrill you the most? Is there any area that you find frustrating? What can I do to make our relationship flow smoother and stronger?
- What do you see as the 5 most important milestones we have passed together? Why was each one important to you?
These are just to get you started. Enjoy your conversations!