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What I Really Think About Motherhood by CurlyQ

Posted by curlyq on August 5, 2013 in Caring for Yourself, Toddlers |

Yesterday was a hard day to be a Mom. The fighting kids, the defiance, the fighting kids… It was one of those days. As I sat down on the couch last night exhausted, I logged on to the Mommy Mentor Facebook page and wrote, “Can we talk about how being a Mom can really suck? Today was one of those days. This 2-year-old is definitely my ticket to heaven.”

The response I received was shocking and sad, but very real. A woman called me insensitive and said that I sucked for having said that. Unfortunately, she had just miscarried her baby. My heart aches for this woman. The loss of a child causes unspeakable pain. I only know this pain second-hand, but have held the hands of sisters and friends who have gone through it.

I realized later that she, and those mothers who have lost a child, have most acutely experienced how much being a Mom can suck. When you become a Mom, your heart is so vulnerable, exposed to great joy and great sorrow. And when you lose a child, you are never the same. This is reality, y’all.

The point of the Mommy Mentor website and Facebook page is for Moms to have a place to be real. To ask questions when you’re exasperated or scared, to share funny anecdotes from your day. Above all else, you can be real here. And the reality is that motherhood can be so completely taxing and exhausting. It can suck.

If you land your dream job, there are parts of it that you may not like, may even dread. That doesn’t mean the job isn’t worth it or that you don’t value your employment. It doesn’t mean you don’t have compassion for your friends who are unemployed. It simply means you work in the real world where everything isn’t always perfect.

I deleted the Facebook post yesterday because the language was inappropriate and offensive. I wish I would have had the opportunity to offer this woman some words of consolation. I would have told her that the heartache she was experiencing made my exasperation over a defiant 2-year-old seem insignificant. And I would have welcomed her to be real with all of the Mommy Mentor readers. Just as I am real about my struggles and frustrations with being a Mom.

I welcome your comments. Please be respectful of others opinions and comments as well. Thank you!

8 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    I agree with you that yes there are days were you feel totally overwhelmed and exhausted and it really does suck. It is the hardest thing to do day in and day out, but as absolutely as crazy and insane that it gets at times I can’t imagine what I would do without them. I have been on the other side too I have miscarried and I was completely devastated and it really really sucked. I do believe that there needs to be a place as this blog to be able to “be real” on some of your most difficult mommy days and all the while knowing how blessed you truly are to have children here on this earth. I think in no way we are comparing our “bad” days to anyone’s grief and really bad days of losing their child. Prayers for all of those who have lost a child………….

  • I love posts about other moms having “sucky” mom days. I know that being a mom to my two wonderful boys (3 and 2) is the greatest blessing of my life and I am lucky to be able to stay home with them but seriously, many days suck. As a mom, to have that feeling of dread towards your children is guilt-ridden enough. It certainly helps when you know another mom down the street is having one of those guilty days too. Thanks for writing about it!! It’s a shame you can’t write about your feelings, that so many of us can relate to, without getting attacked or made to feel worse over something you already feel bad about. To those moms who have lost a child and get upset when we write about the bad days with our children, please, instead of writing hurtful things- which I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate over something you wrote relative to your experience with your own children- try writing how you feel about your struggles. I will read along and cry with you and offer my full support, knowing that my words can never bring comfort to you but I will try anyway. We must support one another. Because it takes a village. That’s what it’s all about anyway. :)

    Hey, CurlyQ you should invite an angel mommy to write a guest post, maybe even the mom who was so offended by your post.

  • Gina says:

    I too saw all the responses and thought, in my opinion, some were a bit harsh, when i read your post, i took it as a mom who had a long,crazy day, who was venting. I’ve had those days, for sure, and id like to think so have other mom’s. It’s a 24/7 job being a stay at home mom, which is all new to me, after 15 years working!
    And get this, i too just also lost a baby at 23 weeks pregnant, due to Trisomy 18, its only been a months since losing her. So with all that said, keep doing what you’re doing, and know that some of us completely understand where you’re coming from.
    Have a good day!

  • Anonymous says:

    Very well put curly Q,!!

  • I know your pain – mothering is the hardest job ever and the greatest joy. I remember feeling sometimes during my days as a mother of younger and older children that “it doesn’t get better than this!” I also remember feeling that “it doesn’t get worse than this!” Hey, I still feel that way at times! God bless all mothers! May he give you strength, patience, fortitude, endurance. godly wisdom and a joyful and loving heart (and all good things that aren’t coming to mind now),but most of all, “Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of all mothers and enkindle in them the fire of your love. Let us pray, O God, who instructs the hearts of your faithful by the light of the Holy Spirit, send forth your Spirit and grant that by your Holy Spirit all mothers may be truly wise and ever rejoice in His consolation, through Christ our Lord. Amen!” Oops, gotta go! PawPaw just told me one of our grandchildren had an accident on the sofa. Ahhh, the circle of life!!!

  • Beth says:

    Time to get real, and respectful, and supportive of ALL moms, in whatever stage or phase they might be in. Thanks, CurlyQ, for pushing through and coming out the other side with clarity and love and compassion for all.

  • tiffany truxillo says:

    it does suck! Especially on bad days – it is the biggest sacrifice a person can make of themselves and it definitely has good and bad moments!

  • Elaine A. says:

    The reality is that both things are a reality! Sucky days with kids and miscarriages. Both things happen. That is life. You both had a rough go of it, just in very different ways. I don’t think you were insensitive, just REAL.

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