Okay, be honest. Do your thoughts ever wander over to your old boyfriend? Do you ever wonder ‘what if’? Do you compare your husband to him? Wonder what your kids would have looked like? Look him up on Facebook to see what his wife looks like?
I’ll be the first to admit that I used to. Often. And it tore me up inside. I felt like I was being unfaithful to my husband. It took a long, long time for my old boyfriend to finally get out of my mind. But the reason I speak of it in the past tense is that he rarely crosses my mind anymore. Want to know why?
1. No more emails or phone calls. My old boyfriend used to occasionally email me to check in before I was married and into the 1st few months of my marriage. By the grace of God I had the courage to respond to his very last email to me with this, “Please don’t contact me again. The stakes are too high now that I’m married.” No more emails or phone calls! Your marriage is worth it!
2. Block him. If you’re friends on Facebook, block him so he doesn’t show up in your Newsfeed. Why? Imagine you loved jelly beans but were a diabetic and had to avoid them. Would it help or hurt you if you scattered jelly beans all over your kitchen counter, if you read books about jelly beans, looked at pictures of jelly beans. If you’re trying to avoid jelly beans, completely cut jelly beans out of your life and consciousness. Block him on Facebook! Your marriage is worth it!
3. Don’t talk about him. I used to ask my girlfriends if they ever thought about ‘the one that got away.’ It made me feel better knowing I wasn’t the only one. But it was selfish. It allowed me to talk about him and think about him and encouraged my friends to do the same. Don’t talk about him! Your marriage is worth it!
4. Be deliberate. So you’ve made an effort to not have any contact with him, but thoughts continue to creep in. What do you do? Don’t entertain them! If you start thinking about him, picture your husband. Shake your head really hard and tell yourself to stop. Quickly move on to a new activity. De deliberate! Your marriage is worth it!
If you do these 4 things, I promise you will think about him less and less. If there’s some other way you engage your old flame, you know what you need to do. Make the effort. Your marriage really is worth it.
Eventually, you’ll look up and realize you haven’t thought about him in weeks, months, years. And you will reap the reward of a healthier, happier marriage.